The Rise and Fall of the Family Bed

When Maya was born, Rebecca and I invested in a king size bed rather than a crib so that Maya could sleep with us. Rebecca and I had read many articles about the benefits of co-sleeping – how it promotes bonding, the fact that it is safer than crib/cot sleeping, and, of course, the all important potential for more sleep.

Because Maya was breastfeeding, and I would never be able to deliver on her midnight cries for feeding, co-sleeping is a more convenient arrangement for mommy. Whenever Maya stirred, Rebecca could boob her so that none of us ever really left Z-town, and we all satisfied our FDA required sleep quotient.

For the first few nights of her life, Maya slept between us in this specially designed box made of hard edges to prevent me or Rebecca from rolling onto her in our sleep. Of course, the idea that we would roll onto her in our sleep was completely ridiculous as all Rebecca and I wanted to do during sleeping hours was look over the edge of the box at our golden child. Eventually, though, Rebecca and I decided we did need to sleep rather than gawk over the edges of the box. So, we got rid of the box and Maya continued blissfully between us to no ill effect. And in fact, I loved having Maya next to us all night – would not have done it any other way.

In anticipation of adding Jonah to the mix, we purchased Maya a bed, set up a room for her, and talked about how much fun it is for big girls to sleep in their own beds in their own rooms. Maya didn’t really go for that idea, especially when she saw Jonah enjoying the co-sleeping arrangement that had been solely hers for so long. So, rather than fighting about it (and really, we liked having her close to us) we built a raised bed frame next to our bed and put a crib mattress on it to create something even bigger than the California King. We called this part of the bed “the nest” and for the most part, that’s where Maya slept. Jonah of course, continued to sleep between me and Rebecca, but mostly nuzzled next to Rebecca.

And that’s how sleeping life went on in our home until, sometime before May 14, 2008, Rebecca and I got sick of only being able to snuggle with our feet because one or other of our kids was between us. Since we knew that our apartment rental in Quito was going to have three bedrooms, we devised an elaborate plan to have the kids sleep in their own beds while in Ecuador. Rebecca even went so far as to set up a room for Jonah in Alexandria before we left so that our transition back home would not include having to reintroduce the family bed just to pull it out from under them again.

I am sure this jinxed everything. I’ve previously detailed the painful reality of our Ecuador sleeping arrangements in a blog post on “Adventures of the Cuy”. It’s too difficult a memory to rehash here so please don’t ask me to do so. If you haven’t read that post, or if you revel in your fellow man’s misery and want to read it again, here is the link.

After the abject failure of our Ecuador sleeping plan, Rebecca and I dug in and insisted that our children would sleep in their own beds when we got back to Alexandria. Of course, it took a few days of cajoling and screaming to convince Maya and Jonah that sleeping in their own beds was the right thing to do, but finally, they submitted. And of course, the first few days of the new arrangement were marked by Jonah getting out of bed a dozen times or so to run into our room smiling because it was such a silly game, four or five trips to the bathroom each, repeated calls of Mommy, Mommy, and much hair loss and dejection on mine and Rebecca’s part (well, the hair loss was mostly mine. And I’m not sure it was related to the sleeping puzzle).

But finally, both Maya and Jonah got used to the idea. And now, with slightly devious parental tricks (“help you stay in bed” vitamins for Jonah, and promises to Maya that we will come back in “five minutes”) and only three or four trips to the bathroom between them, both Maya and Jonah are tucked into their own beds and fall asleep there.

Rebecca and I are still required to remain on the same floor while Maya and Jonah fall asleep. But this is a vast improvement on the status quo. We stay in our bedroom and can actually read a book, talk, surf the internet or otherwise ignore each other, or (gasp!) snuggle; whatever our hearts desire.

The arrangement has been working out so well, this reclamation of our room and of our bed, that Rebecca and I have basically been shutting off the downstairs when the kids go to bed and spending the rest of the night in our room. It has really been making the liquor on our bar last a lot longer than is usual. And lest we forget how nice it was to have the kids in our bed to snuggle with during the co-sleeping years, not a night goes by without Maya or Jonah (or both) waking up, walking the long hallway to the big bedroom and finding their old spot between Rebecca and me.